Your marriage day should be one of the happiest of your life. For a while, you go through a honeymoon period where you are so in love with your new spouse, you feel he or she can do no wrong.
But as time passes, people tend to change. So too do relationships. Couples find themselves disagreeing over matters such as finances. They fight more often and what’s worse, they never seem to come to a mutual agreement that’s beneficial not only to both parties but also to the children should there be any.
When persistent stalemate, if not a state of siege, takes over a marriage, it is likely to fail, and the end result is usually a divorce. This can take a real emotional toll on the entire family. Says Laura Gillis, a family lawyer in Phoenix, Arizona. The divorce attorney you hire needs to work for you and strive to provide realistic solutions to complicated issues. If you need a lawyer for advice, or to help you with an amicable divorce, do your research and make sure you choose the right one.
Is an amicable divorce a real possibility? According to a recent report by Brides, it is. When you uttered “I do” all those years ago you never realized your love story would come to a bitter end. No matter what caused your marriage to break down the time has come to separate. It seems like a dark proposition, but there is some hope to be found at the end of the road.
According to Brooke Bralove, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, marriage is far from easy. The main reason couples break up is financial differences, infidelity, poor communication, anger, resentment, and simply losing the love you once had for your partner.
If you feel you’ve given everything there is to your marriage but happiness is unattainable, it’s time you got out of it. However, you might have one overriding question in the back of your mind: Is it possible to engage in an amicable divorce?
Defining an Amicable Divorce
Said to be the Holy Grail of breakups, the amicable separation and divorce is one where both partners work together to reach an outcome that’s favorable to one another. Instead of trying hard to hurt the other spouse or score points, you both devise a compromise that works best for the entire family. Attaining this level of emotional maturity isn’t easy, but it is possible if you try hard enough.
Under all circumstances, divorce is difficult and painful, but you can go through the process amicably with the right amount of commitment and effort on behalf of both spouses. Too many couples approach a divorce with spite, resentment, anger, and financial and emotional expectations that are not realistic. They do this instead of recognizing the marriage is no longer working and it’s simply time to part ways as painlessly and inexpensively as possible.
That said, here are a few tips for engaging in an amicable divorce.
Staying Quiet In Front Of The Children
If you have kids running around, you don’t want them getting caught in the center of your arguments. It will not only make them feel bad, but they could develop a guilty conscious as if they are somehow responsible for the breakup.
Keep quiet and save the venting process for your friends. Do not tell the kids exactly what you think about your ex. In fact, that’s probably something you’ll want to take to your grave.
Try to Assume Your Ex’s Best Intentions
If you think your ex is devising a nefarious plan to ruin your life you could be completely off-base. If you automatically go on the defensive and start lobbing accusations, you might destroy any chance you had for an amicable divorce.
Bralove says you should give your spouse every benefit of the doubt that they are doing their best to end the marriage as painlessly as possible. Remember, you’re not the only one who is struggling through the breakup, even if the love you once had for one another has irreparably faded.
Be Kind and Be Clear
Emotions run high during divorce, but you can’t let them take over. You might be getting little sleep, eating and drinking too much, not focusing at work, and just plain walking around in a bad mood. You might feel like shutting down entirely.
If you try and open yourself up to your spouse in a kind way and clearly relay your emotions, you will be on the road to an amicable divorce that will be relatively quick and somewhat easy. The faster the process goes, the quicker your can pick yourself up and move on with your life.
Divorce is never easy. It can be nasty and expensive if drawn out for a long time. Reach deep down into your heart and be kind to your spouse no matter how much effort it takes.
Compromise as best you can. Before you know it, the divorce will be over, the kids will be fine, and you will wake up one sunny morning and realize you have a brand-new life to call your own.