Have you ever been in that situation where you have this nagging feeling that your partner may not be telling you the entire truth?
Well, first of all, let’s be honest we all know that everyone lies, right? You do it. I do it. Your partner does it. This is the most important thing; we all lie for our own reasons.
When you’re lied to, you feel very dis-empowered. You feel like you don’t have any control over what’s going on because you’re not getting the truth. So what you need to do is learn how to distinguish lies from the truth. And this requires reading people’s body language.
You may or may not know this but 93% of our communication is nonverbal, it’s only 7% of the actual words that we say. The other 93% is the way that we say what we say and our body language when we do it. And that gives us a feel for what people are saying and what the truth is.
You don’t ever believe what people say, always believe what they do. People’s lips will lie but their bodies never do. So pay attention to the signs of body language.
When you become a master in this then you become in control. The fact is that people lie because you don’t want to be embarrassed. They don’t want to feel hurt, guilty and acknowledge what they’ve done.
All of that is on them so often we tend to take responsibility for it ourselves. We try to act likes it’s our fault like “I would’ve only done these things” then I would’ve been honest. That’s just not true and being able to see it the other way gives you a lot of power.
Now the other thing is realizing that people are always going to lie. Try not to be defensive. When you’re having conflict and someone’s lying there’s only room for one of you to be nervous. And that can’t be you.
Try To Stay Calm
So you need to be calm and detached. And when you do that, and you feel that someone’s lying to you then you can do this simple method which is simply asking questions about what they’re telling you.
So it’s important that you don’t become accusatory or anything like that. Instead, just say “Hey you know you said a minute ago that you were doing this at this time and then you said this “how do those two match up?”
You’re not trying to make them defensive and if they get defensive then you know, you need to be able to calm them down because when they’re defensive you’re not going to get the truth anyway.
But when you can just be unshaped and composed, then what you have is a lot of power to be able to allow their own nervousness to push them to the point where they just are forced to tell you the truth.
Because we all know that feeling of what it’s like to hide something, to hide our guilt, it just kind of bubbles up out of us and if you don’t like to turn it into an argument where their guilt can then turn into anger then you make the door open for them to be honest with you.
So that’s a very powerful technique for being able to use your own composure to get the truth and then once you have the truth and know that you can get the truth in all situations you’ll find out is this the kind of situation that I want to be in? But either way, you’re the one in control because you know how to keep yourself composed in the midst of conflict.