They say that it’s not easy to survive a long-distance relationship. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to be away from your lover…
How to survive the distance and have a strong, healthy relationship.
Now, I know firsthand that starting a long-distance relationship isn’t easy. It does take commitment and dedication to keep your spark alive. That said, the tips I’m about to share with you to help keep you and your partner close, despite the miles between you.
Here are 22 tips to Make Long Distance Relationships Work.
1. Have an end date in mind.
One of the hardest things about being away from your partner is not knowing when you’ll see each other again.
Because it leaves room for the imagination to run wild. If you start doubting your relationship, it’s a tough spot to get out of. Instead, make plans with your partner, and now when you will see each other next. Whether that means planning a visit for months down the road or seeing each other on the weekends. Simply having an idea of when you’ve been together again doing make the distance more doable, and you’ll feel more connected.
When you are together, be sure to decide when you’ll see each other next. After all, saying goodbye is a lot easier when you already have another trip to look forward to.
Of course, this can be easier said than done. If you’re both seriously committed to the relationship, then you should be able to come up with a plan for yourself.
2. Send your partner reminders.
It’s easy to tell your partner that you love or miss them. Actions speak louder than words. Showing him that he’s on your mind is a great way to stay connected. And these don’t have to be grand gestures either.
Sure, a surprise package or letter in the mail is nice, but something as simple as a “good morning” or “good night” text also speaks volumes. It’s these little reminders that will keep you in your partner’s mind and vice versa.
3. Make time for one another.
This is a bit of an obvious one but setting aside time for your partner is crucial to making your long-distance relationship last. Sure, schedules can be conflicting, especially if you’re living in different time zones, but as the saying goes, if there’s a will there’s a way!
To do this, talk to your partner and compare schedules to set up “dates” for phone or even Skype calls. Just as you would go on dates if you were in the same town or city, keep making time for each other.
If you find that things are getting stale then switch up your routine. Instead of settling for casual calls, you could decide that every Sunday night you both enjoy a glass of wine while video chatting. Or, you could play an online game together, or Skype and watch a movie at the same time.
Keeping things interesting is not only a great way to pass the time you spend apart, but it saves you from having the same old “I miss you” chats.
4. Stay positive.
It’s normal to miss your partner. If you let your emotions get the best of you-you’re going to start sabotaging your relationship. If you start letting negativity seep into your relationship, then slowly but surely, your partner won’t be as excited to talk to you.
Because no one wants to listen to someone who’s always complaining or upset. As tough as it may be, it’s crucial that
you do your best to stay positive. Yes, the waiting can be painful but you need to remind yourself that in the end, it will be worth it.
One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love and someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like the sweet text messages he sends you or the daily
It can be hard to master, and there’s no doubt that you’ll have tough days, but remember, positivity will keep your relationship loving and strong.
Just because you can’t spend time with your partner, you can’t expect him to isolate himself from the rest of the world. In fact, you should encourage him to keep busy. When they’re preoccupied it’ll give them less time to sit around missing you, which as much as it may sound romantic, will end up doing more harm than good.
That said when your partner is spending time with others it’s important that you remain supportive and don’t get jealous. Even if his plans involve women you don’t know, trust him enough to be his own person.
If you get defensive anytime he’s around other ladies, he’ll assume it’s because you’re not being faithful when you’re around other men. Or at the very least you’ll come across as insecure. On the other hand, if you’re okay with it, you automatically seem more trustworthy and confident. So simply put, keep your cool.
If you’re planning on getting into a long-distance relationship you need to know that you can trust this person with your life and I really do mean with your life. If you get into a long-distance relationship and you don’t trust the person on the other end 100% it’s not going to go down well.
You’ll constantly be paranoid about where they are what they’re doing what they’re wearing who they’re with what they’re going to do next who were they with last night what was this party about who was at the party. You’re going to get bombarded with so many paranoid questions and thoughts.
These thoughts are just unnecessary and if you did trust this person then you wouldn’t be getting those in the first place. If you trust the person with your life then you’re gonna find this process so much easier.
7. Give each other some space.
I know that’s gonna sound really confusing right now because you guys are already in a long-distance relationship. How much more space does your partner need.
He/She is going to need space. How will you feel if your partner is constantly messaging you every 5 minutes or so? I don’t think that will work out well. You still want to kind of impress your partner because you’re not there with them so you kind of want them to see you in a good way.
Don’t bombard each other with messages and texts constantly and it’s going to be hard because the only thing you’re going to want to do is just get home from work or get home from school and message your boyfriend or girlfriend. But if you do it every single day what’ll happen is it’s will go downhill from there. You don’t want to get bored with each other.
When you’re on your own especially if you flow into a new city it’s all exciting. You meet new people and this is what I mean by don’t bombard each other with like messages and things.
If you’re out there and you’re trying to enjoy a new city whilst you know you still love this person that you’re with, you don’t want to constantly only be thinking about them because that’s going to ruin your experience.
The only thing that’s gonna be on your mind is if they’re okay or if they’re cheating on you. You don’t want that to happen and if that starts happening that’s bad. There are many long-distance relationship problems but you can make it so much easier if you just ignore the things that are going to put you down.
What I mean by boundaries is you’re going to meet boys and girls and people and there could possibly be people that are attracted to you. You could also make friends with people who are only single you might not have any friends that are in a relationship or any friends that are experiencing something that you’re going through.
Honesty is massive. Without honesty, the relationships wouldn’t work or the long-distance relationships will work until you get back to the country that you’re were going to live in, and then there’s a huge elephant in the room 24/7 because one of these does stupid.
So I recommend being completely honest with each other the whole time during your long-distance relationship. If something happens that you feel even slightly guilty about it might not even be a big deal. But if you feel guilty about it and it’s bothering you I would recommend just coming clean with it that will 95% make you feel much better.
Now of course if it’s something a bit more serious this will probably hurt them a lot more but at the end of the day it will help both of you you’ll both get hurt. At least the honest truth will be out and it’s so much better to tell someone if you’ve done something bad the minute you’ve done it than waiting a few months later or a year later and then telling them that you cheated on them.
10. Gift each other with a personal object to hang on to.
A ring, a keychain, a bottle of perfume, or cologne, when you miss the other person it’s nice to have something to physically hang onto and feel their presence or smell them. There’s power in the little things especially if you’re
going through a period where your mind could flip-flop on you.
11. Define your parameters.
By defining, parameters can properly manage – expectations. Spend some time together and map out the ground
rules. Be clear with what you expect of each other during the time apart so there are no “surprises” that can potentially plant little seeds of doubt.
Here are some examples – write these down and then think of other points that really matter to you and to the other person:
- Are you two exclusive, if not then long-distance relationship won’t work out.
- When is it ok for the other person to go out with people of the interested sex, when is it not ok?
- What are some things that would bother you if the other person did them?
Clearly define the expectations that will keep you comfortable and trust in each other, and do that together, as early as possible. From that point on, avoid the “risky” situations. If you already know that going to the club or just being out late at night is not something that will make your partner happy, either
- Don’t do it or
- Give the other person a heads up, a reason why you’re going, and reassure him or her that your plan together hasn’t changed, and you’ll check in first thing in the morning.
The same thing goes for the other person, there has to be this understanding and an agreement in place, does that make sense? because there will be some nuggets in there that will help even when separated by distance.
12. Agree on how often you should talk.
Is it: every day or every other day with texting in between. Do that, then try to stick to the schedule consistently and pepper in some creative moments too.
Greeting each other “good morning” and “good night” – ideally needs to happen every day – plan video calls at least once a week – and on top of that, every now and then send the other person a fun 30-second video or an audio file to keep things more interesting.
13. Have a mutual goal in mind.
Since everybody ultimately feels some need to settle down, this is a necessary conversation to have; so – Ask your partner – what is their ultimate goal in the relationship. Where does he or she see your relationship in one year and
in 5 years?
Make a plan with each other and map out a timeline. Outline the estimated times you’ll be apart and when you’ll be together. Draw out the end goal so you can both be on the same page.
The parameters we talked about earlier will need to be in the context of you achieving those goals. That’s how everything will start making more sense. You’ll work together as a unit, you’ll share goals, and make the time apart more manageable.
14. Keep up with each other’s social media.
Like each other’s photos, tag one another, and share things on each other’s walls… In today’s day and age, this will help keep you connected, but be cool about it. Don’t get wrapped up in it.
If you’re tempted to see who liked and who commented on his every picture, just know that you’re getting a little stocky. You’ll create unnecessary insecurities. You may start seeing things are not there. so put. the. phone. down.
15. Talk dirty.
Now, intimacy is crucial in keeping you glued together. And that’s not just a biological need, it’s an emotional one as well. So the occasional provocative text is necessary.
Sexy references work as well, funny puns are awesome… Physical togetherness is huge when you’re apart so – as it is possible, absolutely schedule the time. Regularly. Make sure Skype is working. Close the doors and arrange in advance to have privacy. Talk dirty to each other to turn each other on. Use toys, you HAVE to do it! Release any inhibition, take a deep breath. Be in the moment, and think only about how much you care about the other person.
When you care about somebody you won’t judge them. There won’t be a better person to help you let go and just be part of the process.
16. Visiting each other.
Visiting each other often as possible is, of course, a no-brainer as is knowing each other’s schedules. It’s important to know when the other person is busy. You don’t want to start freaking out if you call and they don’t answer or don’t call back right away. You wouldn’t want to interrupt them while they’re doing something important for work or studying.
17. Spend at least 10 minutes together every day.
It is not too much, right? especially after work or after classes. you need to find out how your partner’s day was.
18. Motivate each other.
Help your partner in achieving his or her goals. No one is going to stay in a long-distance relationship with you for 6 months for 1 year or 2 years simply because they are hoping to have sex with you one day or because you are beautiful.
People stay in a long-distance relationship and commit to you because they have seen that you are someone
awesome. You complete them emotionally and psychologically. The person has seen that you are going to help him or her to achieve his or her goals.
19. Save money together.
Saving together is going to give both of you this feeling that you were actually going to make it. You’ll start acting like a married couple before you guys get married and if you get married.
20. Begin a project or a business together.
It’s fantastic especially if you have a long-term goal. If both of you are married then this is a good idea.
21. Write love letters.
Go back to the old age of romance and get into writing love letters to each other. It’s a really great thing. And yeah, e-mail is instant, but if you really take a handwritten card and mail it, that’s a nice thing.
22. Never cheat in a long-distance relationship.
There will be times when you will feel that you are lonely. You may not even want to talk to your partner at that time. You will want someone to hang onto. And this will happen many times if you are in a long-distance relationship.
If you ever feel this then maybe you are not in true love with your partner. You have to talk to your partner about it. Don’t cheat by thinking that they will never come to know. Once trust is lost it is not easy to regain.