Controlling anger after having a fight with your partner is very difficult as there are a lot of emotions involved. Staying calm will not be easy for you during this situation. You may also experience a breakdown after a fight.
You can never control the behavior of anyone except for yourself. You can though temporarily influence their actions.
Anger is caused when a person is unable to control his emotions. It may be due to his negative thought process where they bashes themselves and bashes people around them or the second case is when he is the one who is correct and talking maturely which the other person is reluctant to understand and it’s the frustration that makes the person angry.
If you want to make permanent changes in your partner’s behavior you must understand the root cause of his anger. Try to think and analyze in an unbiased way if you are in any way contributing to the anger. Is it because you both are holding a negative opinion about each other?
If you find the root cause of the anger the problem of anger can be solved slowly and consciously.
Whenever you are feeling low, explain your problem to your partner rather than waiting for them to understand you because we never know which situation they are in. Tell them which thing you hate and if they repeating the same thing, understand it and seek advice.
Always look out for the best quality in them instead of a tiny bit of bad quality which everyone possesses. Whenever you are hurt by their words remember it’s for time being, sometimes “The beauty lies in the differences”.
Here, I am suggesting some ways to be calm after being angry with your partner.
1. Recognize and accept your emotions
Sometimes, you would not know your emotions. You would not admit that you are either angry or sad. Be honest with yourself. If you feel sad, just admit that you are sad and share your feelings with your partner. Those negative emotions are not something that you would want to hide. Everyone feels negatively at some point in their life and it is normal. Don’t be scared to admit your emotions. You should practice yourself doing it because it will take time to get used to it.
2. Be critical of your thoughts
This is quite simple, Ask for your thoughts. For example, if you are anxious about messing up in a relationship, ask yourself, “Is this likely to happen?” If you are frustrated about failing, ask yourself, “Is this the end of the world?” Don’t let those negative thoughts sit in your mind. Make sure you recognize that these worries will not last long. Try to share your problems or whatever you feel.
3. Go to the beach, mountain or park where you could feel nature
It doesn’t have to be one of these three. Go to places where you can feel nature and get some fresh air. If you stay at your home and lay down on your bed, nothing is going to change. You will feel more drowned and depressed. Go outside and get sunlight. Appreciate the nature that you are already given. I guarantee that you will feel much better when you come back. By looking at the beautiful sunset at the beach, your mind will be organized and you will know what to do next.
4. Listen to your favorite music
I recommend some fun music because it does make you feel energized. However, feel free to choose your favorite songs. Sometimes you will learn some valuable lessons from those lyrics, or you will forget about your worries for at least a few minutes. Enjoy your music and be refreshed. It will help you to stay calm. I suggest you create a playlist to shuffle when you want to keep yourself calm.
5. Write everything down in your journal
I highly recommend writing your journal or something you like because it keeps your mind organized. I understand that you don’t want to tell anyone about your thoughts. Just record them in your journal and you will feel much better. When you feel the same way in the future, you can always go back to your journal and smile at yourself in the past. This is a good solution to be calm after being angry with your partner.
6. Practice deep breathing exercises
Breathing can be very effective to calm your anxiety and stress in difficult situations as well as it can control your anger. There are various breathing techniques to help you calm down. These techniques require you to take deep breaths in and then exhale fully while paying attention to your body. Also, you can do some meditation and yoga.
7. Take a break
Taking a step back can help you relax and view things more clearly. Go for a walk, play with your pet, water your plants, read a book or watch something. Consequently, you’ll be able to work on the situation effectively after rejuvenating your mind. Moreover, you can resolve your conflicts with your partner.
8. Seek support
Feeling like someone has your back can help you feel relax. Seeking support from your close network can help you brainstorm different ideas to deal with a stressful situation. If it becomes persistent and alarming you may seek help from a mental health professional.
9. Stay positive
When encountered with a difficult situation your mind may go in different directions and some of your thoughts can turn negative. Therefore, stop yourself from imagining the worse scenarios. Look at the obstacle as an opportunity to learn. Be confident in your abilities. Also, read some positive quotes which might help to stay positive.
10. Don’t take it so seriously
Everything passes, good and bad. Even life will come to an end eventually, so why worry so much about this one situation? Right now, you are living in an amusement park, and yes, you do have to leave eventually; we all do. However, you can worry about the crappy food you may have eaten or the bad ride you were just on, but that won’t make anything better. Or you just mark it off as a bad ride and leave it at that. So, what exactly it means is, try to ignore the flaws of your partner and don’t make it anything too serious, especially when they are angry.
“In the end, it’s just a ride” – Bill Hicks
You can also try these things;
- Be open to everything and anything. But don’t get attached.
- Meditate or if not used to meditation take 10 to 15 deep breaths.
- Be conscious of your deeds, words, action, and surroundings.
- Stop comparing yourself with others. Comparison spoils happiness and peace of mind.
- Let it go.
- Move on.
- Be present.
- Stay grateful for what you have and who you are.
- Speak less and when required.
- Place boundaries specifically where you need them to be placed.
- Talk to yourself and love yourself.
- Know what’s coming is better than what is already gone.
We face stress from various sources every day. It is important to handle this stress to avoid mental illness or burnout. The primary way to handle your stress and anger is to keep yourself calm. You should control your mind and emotion to maintain peace inside of you. There are several things you could do to keep yourself calm. Calmness is a difficult body-mind state to sustain because the sensations of homeostasis are not the same as one’s environmental sensory equilibrium.
Make a different choice. Anger is a choice. Choose to look at the underlying fear instead, heal that, then create a better emotional response pattern. This environmental sensory equilibrium can be affected by the sense of competition from the self or the appearance of someone getting ahead. Calmness frequently happens when one becomes unified from within through source energy. Many ways to re-discover source energy from within. An easy way to re-discover source energy is to find peace within yourself. Safe sungazing is another.
I hope you find these ways to help to keep yourself calm after being angry with your partner.