Having a breakup and missing someone doesn’t just hurt, it can feel overwhelming.
It has been called the greatest of emotional pains.
It can feel impossible and leave you feeling helpless. Along with the pain, you’ll have So many questions.
How can I move on? How do I get through this? Will it ever get better?
Yeah, having a broken heart sucks! And it can suck for a long time but there is good news. The good news
is that there really are things you can do to speed the mending of your broken heart. You can make it a lot less painful in the meantime.
But first, we need to understand what heartbreak is from a biochemical perspective and understand what’s happening that makes heartbreak so painful and so difficult to get over.
And that’s what I want to address first. Romantic love is very much a natural addiction.
When we are in love with a person, we are chemically addicted to that person. In fact, falling in love has similar effects on the brain as cocaine does on the brains of a user.
So when we are going through a break up we will experience the same types of withdrawal symptoms and cravings that an addict feels when they are coming off of a substance.
Brain studies have shown that the withdrawal of romantic love activates the same mechanisms in our brain that get activated when addicts are withdrawing from substances like cocaine.
Think about that for a moment. A heartbroken lover experiences symptoms of drug withdrawal, including protest, crying spells, lethargy, anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite or binge eating, irritability, and loneliness.
And heartbroken Lovers, like addicts, also often go to extremes. Sometimes doing degrading or physically dangerous things to win back the beloved.
They beg and plead, they try anything and everything to win back the affection of the person they love, even when their lovers are exceedingly clear that the relationship is over. And heartbroken people relapse the way drug addicts do.
Long after the relationship is over, events, people, places, songs, or other external cues associated with their ex can trigger memories and renewed craving for that person. So, in order to get over a breakup and heal your broken heart, you’ve got to treat the failed relationship as you would treat any other addiction.
Here are 8 Ways To Get Over A Breakup.
1. Accept that the relationship is over so you can focus on healing
Much like other forms of grieving, many people struggle with denial and cannot accept the reality that the relationship is over. This is also known as the protest phase.
When the heartbroken person tries anything and everything to win back the affection of their beloved. But in order to start healing and moving forward, we’ve got to accept what we are being told we’ve got to accept that the relationship is over.
It also important to understand why things ended. This is one of the main factors that helps us with acceptance, letting go, and moving on.
Having a clear understanding helps us to reach closure sooner. It helps us let go of our hopes and fantasies of reconciliation. I know it’s difficult accepting that it’s over is the last thing you want to be true. It’s the most important first step.
2. Go cold turkey
Going cold turkey is often the best way to stop an addictive habit, such as drugs or alcohol. It means that you just totally, completely stop, and never do it again.
Cold turkey also implies that you will have to bear the cravings and pains associated with withdrawal. And When it comes to healing a broken heart, going cold turkey means you Stop Communicating, Negotiating or scheming to get your ex back.
Cold turkey means that you do not initiate communication with your ex. Stop following them on social media. After all, You don’t want reminders of your ex-popping up on your news feed and Instagram feed every day.
Remember, you’re trying to heal. You absolutely must not monitor their social media sites hoping to see that nothing in their life has changed.
Doing so is detrimental to your recovery. Think about it. Alcoholics and other addicts understand the risk associated with even a single use of their drug of choice After they have quit.
For example, one cigarette can reactivate
days of intense cravings for nicotine. It brings them right back into the most intense withdrawal symptoms.
In the same way, indulging in the urge to look at the social media of a person who broke your heart can reactive your addiction to them and set you back to the beginning. Remember, lovers, relapse the way drug addicts do.
Long after the relationship is over, events, people, places, songs, or other external cues associated with their abandoning lover can trigger memories and renewed craving.
Don’t do it.. trust me… time heals… but it won’t heal if you keep picking at a wound and re-injuring yourself. The goal is to spend less and less time thinking about a person who is no longer in your life and focus on you.
3. Give yourself permission to grieve
When you’re dealing with the loss of a romantic relationship, there are a variety of competing emotions you might be feeling: shock, sadness, anger, fear, shame.
Whatever you are feeling is normal for you at that time. Don’t try to suppress them or numb them with drugs or alcohol. Let yourself grieve the relationship.
This process is necessary for healing and emerging strong. You’ve got to go through the feelings, not around them.
4. Build your support system
This one is huge super important. Some people keep to themselves and try to figure it all out. You can only do so much inside your own head, having a supportive network of friends who care about you is incredibly helpful.
So consider recruiting two or three people you can reach out to when you need someone. Not only will they be your support system, but they can also be your accountability person.
“Every time you want to send a text to your partner or are reminded about your ex and want to reach for them. Reach for one of your buddies instead.
It’s great to have multiple people so you don’t worry about your friend being tired of having to hear the same things. Let your friends know that you need their help to get through this.
5. Stop ruminating
Psychologists define ruminating as passive and repeated focusing and thinking about a situation, its causes, and its consequences.
Ruminating is finding yourself caught in a loop, replaying memories and past conversations, or fantasizing about what you might say to your ex.
After a breakup, you may find yourself ruminating quite a bit and that certainly doesn’t feel good. So there are a few good ways to handle post-breakup rumination. One way to process your emotions is to write them down.
Or, write an honest letter to your ex. Include all the things you’re grateful for and the things you’re disappointed about. It’s a good opportunity to get it out and there is something about the writing process that is cathartic.
Write it as if you not going to be sending it so that you can be free with your thoughts and feelings. Let yourself feel your feelings as you write the letter.
After you’re done writing you can decide whether sending it is worth it to you. Just remember, the purpose of the letter is to use it for your own grief, not as a last attempt to get something from your ex.
It takes courage to go deeper into our suffering, and confront how we are thinking and feeling. Yet it is a crucial step to healing and then, letting go.
6. Practice mindfulness meditation
Another key to breaking free of rumination involves fostering new ways of thinking that are nonjudgmental. Mindfulness meditation techniques provide useful, practical skills to help heal after experiencing the loss of a relationship.
If you’re coming off of a breakup and are heartbroken, it pays to keep a clear, focused, and present mind. The more you worry about a slew of potential problems the more it drives you away from a positive, productive mindset.
When you keep yourself in the present moment, nothing from the past or future can bother you. Right now, is all that matters.
Concerns about how your relationship went wrong or what your future dating life holds is insignificant. You focus on your life, in the now, and nothing else matters.
As with any skill, time and attention are required to hone them. Once they are developed, the techniques can be applied in situations wherein similar emotions or beliefs are triggered.
Give yourself 10-15 minutes of solitude every day where you simply think about yourself and your life. Practice talking to yourself as you would talk to a best friend. And go easy on yourself!
Soon, talking to yourself this way will be automatic and you’ll notice positive changes in both self-worth and positive self-regard.
Begin writing your thoughts and journaling about what you really like and dislike, what drives and motivates you, and your goals and dreams for the future. Making this time for yourself is one of the best ways of accomplishing the next step of taking good care of yourself.
7. Take good care of yourself
OK, this one is obvious, right? We all understand the importance of maintaining our physical and psychological health by engaging in healthy eating, exercising, and overall living.
But taking good care of yourself also involves reflective thinking and being responsive to your body and to your feelings as the basis for taking action that is best suited for you.
8. Take advantage of being single
Of course, being single has its perks. The ability to be on your own schedule, watch as much dorky TV as you want, save some money by not buying gifts for your belle or beau, and flirt with people at holiday parties.
But the most amazing advantage of being single is that it allows you time to focus on yourself and the areas of your life that may need attention, like your health, happiness, or career.
Being more mindful of these things not only helps us to improve the quality of our life, but your relationship with yourself grows when you focus on it and spend quality time alone.
And when you focus on yourself, you’re more likely to recognize the things that are undermining your well-being and happiness. Don’t forget that. Take advantage of your time for yourself — you’ll thank yourself later.
So there you have it eight steps on how to get over a breakup and to a new and improved you. If you’re hurting right now. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen.